I never open my personal real feelings before in this blog, but I don’t know, this time I just feel like it.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been dealing with some emotionally and verbally abusive people since a long time ago, and the numbers seemed to increase. Some are close people, some are acquaintances.
Anyway, this is not a chronological post about why, who, when, what and where of the source of my hurt. This is more like a summary of abusive cases I’ve been receiving so far.
This is also not about what is the real meaning behind such abusive words, whether I misunderstood the true intention or the literal meaning.
And this is also not about failing to understand why such abusive words had been said to me.
But this post is about how it affects my way of thinking and, the most important part, my feelings after receiving those abusive words.
First thing is, abusive words will make you feel discouraged and worthless.
Saying rude, impolite, insolent, demoralizing words can make someone feels like he/she is the lowest life form ever existed that can lead into depression.
Second, you will put up some unconscious defense and reject everything because feeling discouraged and worthless bring terrible pain.
Third, it will seep into your mind mercilessly and your brain starts to confirm those abusive words.
Fourth, the most dangerous part, is where you judge yourself.
You can either validate that “yes, you are worthless” or “no, I’m not like that”.
You may even begun to believe that you’re the one with problems. That you deserved to be treated like that. You might even think that “if only I’m a better person”, “if only I can be what he/she wants me to be”, “if only I can do things exactly the way he/she wants me to do”, you wouldn’t make him/her upset.
You will think that people need to have more respect to others before saying things like that.
They need to be more selfless to relate to other people’s feelings before throwing abusive words.
They have to understand that if someone weren’t thinking the way they think, doesn’t mean that person is wrong.
There are no wrong nor right about opinion. Opinion can only be different.
It is an opinion, a way of thinking, not the truth. Not the real fact.
They just need to have a bigger understanding of the wonderful thing called patience, and also the perfect term of “agree to disagree”.
They need know about open-mindedness.
You can’t force people to have the same thought of you.
You can’t feel superior and look down upon people who think different than you.
You can’t judge people just because they didn’t think in the same way that you do.
You can’t expect people to be like you or like anyone else who share the same thoughts like you.
Because there are always two side of things in this world.
And humans are designed to adapt to other people and to their environment, or they will simply die because they can’t survive.
And reality is just the matter of “fit in”. Sure, we need to adapt and “fit in”, but people can choose where and to what extent they want to “fit in”.
There are always another ways to survive other than just “fit in” to other people’s expectation, to live by their standard, and doing things because they set your mind into certain “reality”. That is not adaptation, and surely a hard way to survive.
Being independent and seeing things through many other possibilities different from the current reality is one of the way to adapt, to survive.
Stuck in the current reality is of course part of surviving, but you need to confirm it on regular basis.
Is this reality true? Should I adapt more?
Adaptation is a dynamic process. There is not just “one” solid reality to confront.
Because spontaneous mutations exist.
Because anomalies exist.
Your already comfort, proven-to-be-true reality will always be challenged by something else.
That is the fact.
There will always something that shake your understanding, confront your thoughts and it will irritate you and leaves you uncomfortable.
And the easiest way to get away with it is, of course, choosing to stay with people who share the same thoughts like you and living in the environment that suits you well.
Some people say it’s the best way to live, and some say it’s just an escape and hiding yourself from the big, bad world.
In the end, people shouldn’t be afraid of things that are different from their thoughts.
Adapt, or you won’t survive.
Being the curious-as-ever person, itÂ leads me to another thought: “why they say such words?”
Is it because they hate me?
But why they hate me? Did I hurt them? I don’t think so.
Is it because something I did wrong?
But who can decide who’s wrong and who’s right?
For me I’m not wrong, for them they’re not wrong.
So why say such hurting words if nobody’s wrong?
Then, difference can kill.
Why can people say such abusive words?
I suppose they must be got hurt so bad so they can hurt people like that.
Maybe they feel so insecure and need to control things because they’re afraid.
They need to be superior because if they don’t, they will lose everything.
So what should I do?
Since these abusive people around me has higher authority than me, I can do nothing. All I can do is toÂ accept their apologies.
And I don’t do revenge. That’s not my style.
Since I know what caused it, things started to get better. And hopefully it will end soon.